Tag Archives: Bullying

The Haunting of My Hateful Past

Lately a young lady from high school has been coming to my mind, a girl whom everyone including myself tortured with our bullying and terrible mocking. I too was picked on and often times when you join the enemies cause you can relieve the bullying toward yourself for a short time. It’s a cycle that is created within itself. Well, one of the things I’ve been able to do in the last few years as the Holy Spirit has shaped love in my heart  has been to apologize and make peace with people I’ve hurt in any way. This was one of the last people I could think of from high school days but had no idea if I would ever come to see her again. I wanted to know how she was… how  that type of treatment affected her to whom she has become. I only hoped one day I would get that chance.

Yesterday, I was going to the grocery store to get stuff  for supper and saw a woman in the car driving the opposite direction. It was her… it was the young lady that has been haunting me for the last few months. I screamed her name and she looked at me saying, “I’m sorry but do I know you”. I said yes, it’s me Omar from high school”. I wasn’t sure what memories this would bring back for her but she actually seemed pleasantly surprised it appeared. We stopped our cars in the middle of traffic which I would normally never do but this was my chance. I was afraid she was going to have to go while all the people were beeping her but I pulled over and left my car running and ran to her car. I gave her my number and she called me right away interestingly enough. She couldn’t talk long because she was driving, so she then texted me minutes after. She couldn’t text long neither because of course she was driving … I was at the supermarket. She mentioned that she really does not like running into people from high school because it was the worse memories for her ever. I responded how was exactly what I wanted to talk to her about. I said, “I wanted to apologize for the part I played in the terrible treatment you received during high school.” I received no response back and got a little nervous. As I pulled into my driveway I received a call from this woman. She said, “Omar I just wanted to respond to your text with my voice and would rather have done it in person”. My heart began to beat fast because when you put yourself out there like this you have to take the response you get no matter what it is. The woman said, “Omar I FORGIVE YOU with the fullness of my heart”. She said, “I really thank you for your words and it really helps in my healing from that terrible past.” I began to smile and felt so wonderful, not for myself but because she said this would help her heal. We talked for a little while and had a wonderful conversation. It’s amazing because she was picked on for the same exact thing I was picked on for. For acting too white for the people of our culture. She mentioned that she always remembered I was a Christian back then, I corrected her saying PLEASE do not call me a Christian back then. If I could treat a person that way then I was far from a Christian. I was false. Finally I was free of this haunting feeling and hopefully she will be set free from that pain more and more each day. It has been almost 10 years now and it still is an open wound for her.

1 Cor 13 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

I discuss this with you guys because this is how sin works guys. It much more  terrible than we think … most of us only see the pleasures from it, such as sex, and other self gratifications, but we are blind to the circumstances that really come from it. The circumstances that could cause someone to be in pain for over 10 years, the circumstances that could cause someone to want to take their life.

The good part of it is that when you become a believer in Christ, and allow the Holy Spirit to mold your heart  you are able to compare who you were with who you are now. If your heart conflicts with your old self, you know your on the right track.

I spoke about judging yourself instead of other people and some past post and this is how you are to do it.

Gal 5 19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Be encouraged Brothers and Sisters.

Praise Jesus!